today's my first taste of a non-working holiday in the US. it would have been a lot nicer, of course, if raj was here and we could spend the long weekend together.

anyway, this day is in honor of George Washington (and Abraham Lincoln as some would say). we do not have a similar holiday in the RP. i suppose we do not have a President that's worth commemorating. ironically, the seat of our incumbent President was bombed hours earlier (Manila time).

in the history of the Philippines, there was never really a stand-out President, except perhaps for Marcos but only because it was his dictatorship that brought the country to poverty. no Philippine President is perhaps worthy of respect and adulation as Washington or Lincoln. people who lived in Magsaysay's time can argue with me but he was merely 'man of the masses' and nothing more than that in the pages of our history books. and cory, the first woman President, the champion of democracy for many, perhaps she is. on the one hand, i only perceive her to be an incidental hero, who was swept by the tide of events. but on the other, being the disciple of dumbledore that i am, i know that the choice she made in the past would constitute some form of immortality in her (in reference to milan kundera's work). the thing is, cory seems to be lost in today's political milieu, unsure of the power bestowed to her in the past, still going with the flow.

apathetic as i may be, i care about the philippines. and i do hope one day we'd find a President that we can commemorate because of his worthiness.

on a lighter note, President's day = sale! off to the mall...

raj is back in manila for a three-week vacation.

it's the first time in six months that we are apart. needless to say, i miss him terribly. it's awfully quiet in the house in the absence of his daily morning ritual of smoothie-making; his constant nagging of how to keep the chaos in our room in order (an oxymoron for you); the small and big talks we have all day long; and the comforting sound of his breathing when all else turns into silence. and now, i welcome the tiniest amount of noise coming from the outside - voices from strangers, the sound of screeching wheels from the distant, a car being parked, footsteps from the apartment above ours.

everyone seems to be worried that i would be alone. my family, my friends especially bong and regnar (mainly because they witnessed how i turned into a crybaby when raj wasn't around), and even my officemates whom i've only met just recently. in fact, they were too sweet to offer kind words and ask me out on an all-girl gimmick night next friday.

today's the first day raj is actually away. and so far, i have made a trip to the nearest grocery and pushed the cart all the way to our apartment. i didn't know pushing a cart could be such a task! i have also made myself a champorado for breakfast (i am so proud of myself for this) and a beef stew for dinner. so the beef stew's not perfect as i had hoped it would but it's edible so it's good enough for me. raj would be proud!

24 days before he comes home. yep, that's me counting the days and if i was a math genius, i'd probably count the exact hours, minutes and seconds as well. in the meantime, let me thank the men (or women) who invented the mobile phone and the Internet for without them i'd probably be lost in space.

and to you who i am patiently waiting for:

i am saving time in a bottle, fyi.

in a span of less than a year, raj and i endured six times of moving from one place to another.

first was moving-out to our wakakusa apartment in beppu after living there for two years. then we stayed in NY for four months while pretending (being the operative word) to labor on our thesis. when we got back to japan to finish the remaining sem of our schooling, we had to move our things from mommy rose's house (where we temporarily stored them) to our new apartment of three months. when we left japan for good, we thought of trying our luck in hawaii and failed. we moved to NY and failed again. but the job offer i got from santa barbara ended our nomadic existence and so here we are with a new place of our own.

although raj and i rented an apartment back in japan, we could never claim it as ours alone. one, we shared it with different housemates (minus big brother -- get the pun?). second, we never got the chance to decorate the place because we got it fully furnished, thanks to the generosity of the filipino community in beppu. the only furniture we bought with our own money wasa single bed because we could not bear sleeping on a futon.

now this place that we are renting, this is truly our own. it's a one-bedroom apartment with a semi-furnished kitchen and spacious living room (owing to the fact that we don't have anything in there yet except for a TV set and its rack). so far, we have purchased a queen-sized bed, a very nice antique desk, a dining set and some stuff to organize our things. we plan to buy more as soon as the cash comes in.

anyhoo, raj and my ate both said our apartment looks like the melrose place (of course, i wouldn't know for sure because i never got the habit of seeing the show back in the 90s but i take their word for it). there's a communal garden for all the residents of every unit to enjoy. there are benches which i really like because they are placed directly outside our unit. i can imagine myself reading a book there while getting some fresh air or some warm rays of sunshine.   

the apartment holds many promises. here is where we will live our dreams and weave some more; start a family; build our future. here on our own, in our own.

so here we are at santa barbara, basking in the novelty of the experience and of the place.

perfect weather (no more bubble jackets, scarves, hats and gloves). and it stays the same all year-round.

luscious green landscape.

the smell and feel of fresh air as we walk on the clean streets of the city.

the warm smiles of people everywhere (this is perhaps the friendliest place i've ever been into).

pinoys conspicuously missing. this is a latino community.

santa barbara is akin to hawaii and beppu, two places where i ran away from because they were too 'rural' for me and i always thought of myself as a city girl.

indeed some conspiracy of the universe is at work here. i am thrown once again to a relaxed and quite countryside, away from the hassle and bustle of city life.

(perhaps mother nature is calling me home.) 

and yet i don't mind at all. i like it here. raj loves it here. we are happy to be in santa barbara.

in less than a week, raj and i are leaving NY. yes, after all the hassles of going here (losing a luggage, carrying a box of hawaiian pineapples and experiencing firsthand the cons of low-cost airlines), we are saying goodbye to the city that we both love. and, off we fly to the filipino colony here in the us - in california.

i bagged a nice job in santa barbara. it's for aspect education, an english language school with branches in the usa, canada, new zealand, uk and australia. the main office is located at santa barbara. when i saw the ad, my immediate thought was to ask raj how he feels moving to santa barbara. call it intuition or gut-feeling but i instantly knew that i had a good chance of getting the job. so after a phone interview and a meeting with the new york sales manager, i was hired as a sales consultant. my job requires dealing with the japanese clients of the school.

i promised myself that i would grab the first job offered to me (this after the medsave incident). aspect did that. a day later, i got an email from the law firm where i applied as a paralegal. i was also offered the position. but after careful consideration, i chose to work in santa barbara because of the following reasons:

one, all arrangements have been made (flight and one-month accomodation paid by the company). second, there is better chance of personal and career growth in aspect. being a paralegal is a dead-end job, unless i take up law and become an 'ally mcbeal' myself. third, the people in aspect seem rather nice compared to those in the law firm. and fourth, something tells me the job in california was made especially for me.

surely, i will miss ny.

the busy streets of manhattan, the frequent trips to times square, communing with people from different walks of life.

a stroll in central park, especially during fall, savoring the 'autumness' of it all.

the statue of liberty that is the heart of the city.

the biting winter cold, snow falling on the ground.

the tong-its sessions on weekends.

the family and friends that have been.

i know i will always go back to visit NY. its charm is too strong to resist. the place bears witness to two most important moments of my life to be forgotten. i will take a part of NY with me as i leave a piece of myself in it.

raj and i are taking a big leap of faith as we move to santa barbara. we do not know anyone from there. i have relatives and raj has some friends but they're all in LA. and yet, i look forward to getting there.

resurrecting my dormant career.

making use of my knowledge and skills.

earning my own money.

carving a niche for myself.

being the person that i dream of being and people are expecting me to become.

finding a place of our own.

meeting fresh faces.

exploring places i have never been into.

basking under the sun, frolicking in the sand, bathing in the seas.

the spontaneity of life that awaits us there.

when raj leaves, i am sure going to be lonely as hell but i figure there are some things i can do while i patietly wait for his homecoming.

i welcome the carefree weekends.

catch up on my reading. the books i have yet to touch and to buy.

explore the possibilities of writing (crosses fingers).

getting a part-time job, preferably in writing.

TV and DVD marathon, the shows and movies i have failed to see.

feed my insatiable hunger for hp fanfiction.

chat with raj all day and all night long.

and if i get extra cash, maybe start my MA through a distance learning program.

i am confident that good things will come my way. santa barbara seems a nice place to start a family life. who knows, raj and i may end up raising our kids there. maybe he'll get the teaching job that he dreams of having at UCSB. maybe we'll get a house by the beach (and spend the rest of our lives in tan).

and the cynics would ask what if i fail?

well, failure is simply not an option. for now, i strive. and i strive harder when the going gets tough.

goodbye NY because i sail (or fly) to where my future begins.

it's only the second week of january, still mid-winter and already, i couldn't wait for summer to come. of course, i'm not looking forward to the gruelling heat that inevitably comes with the season. i am just excited to see the movies all lined up for summer 2006.

here are what to expect:

1. the lady in the water - this film by m. night shymalan is one of the most intriguing trailers i have ever seen. i love shymalan's works because of the unexpected twists in the story and the consistency of adapting hitchcock's style in all his films (well, except for stuart little). he is truly an auteur.

2. the da vince code - i love dan brown's novel. it is not only a suspenseful and fascinating read, it is also very informative and thought provoking. it challenges many of the teachings of the church and allows its readers to decode some well-kept secrets of the past. i wonder though how the movie would be able to compress all 454 pages of the book into a two-hour film. let's see.

3. sin city 2 - this one's a must-see for everyone who enjoyed quentin tarantino's sin city (despite its excessive gore and violence). if you haven't seen it yet, go and grab a copy at your nearesT DVD rental stores. i promise you an action-packed, fast-paced movie.

4. x-men 3 - ok, so i'm not really a huge fan of x-men. in fact, i never read the comics nor watched the cartoon version. but i'm excited to see the movie nonetheless, if only for wolverine (hugh jackman). hmmm, yummy.

5. superman returns - i am not really impressed with the trailer and with the actor who is playing superman but i'm still watching it.

6. pirates of the carribean 2 - another yummy guy, orlando bloom this time. enough said.

7. apocalypto - a mel gibson film about the ancient mayan civilization.

8. die hardest - the fourth (and possibly the final) of the die hard films starring old bruce willis.

9. indiana jones iv - although i don't expect this to be as good as its predecessors.

10. mission impossible 3 - i dunno why i'm still writing this down on the list because i'll probably skip this film anyway (unless raj drags me into the theatre). i am not a tom cruise fan after all.

P.S. i am also anticipating the release of this flick called american dreamz, from the director of about a boy. it's a parody of american society and the show american idol with dennis quaid, hugh grant and mandy moore as the main stars. the film's tentative opening date is april 14.

i confess i was not an eheads fanatic but when i heard the pare ko being sung by the relatively new band spongecola as a tribute to the pinoy rock band that rocked the music scene in the 90s, i cringed. 

sacrilege, it is.

i may not be an obsessed fan as my ate or my friend yani but i grew up listening to eheads. their songs were the anthem of my generation. classics as sinatra's songs are to my dad and his generation.

in third year high school, i danced to the upbeat tune of toyang. in my senior year, i often listened to fill her. eheads performed in my freshman orientation at UP. one of the very first UJP projects i got involved in was a concert by the eheads at the UP theater (or was it the film center?) and, being an organizer i was able to go backstage and secure the precious autograph of ely buendia for my ate (she still keeps it to this day).

with a smile and overdrive remain my personal favorites.

eheads songs always take me to a walk down memory lane, back at a time when my worries were too much simple, trivial and often childish. back to where i spent the joys and sorrows of my youth. back to how i lived my life.

spongecola's rendition of pare ko does not have that effect on me. i haven't heard the other songs included in ultraelectromagneticjam: songs of the eraserheads. i reckon i don't need to listen to them. my ate has almost all the albums of eheads and they are more than enough to help me bring back my lost generation whenever i have the urge to reminisce.

the devil, er, angel incarnate that is my younger sister bought me the book that i wanted.

i showed her the first page of i, lucifer through amazon.com and she instantly agreed to purchase the book for me using the borders gift card she received from her boyfriend. she said she might even buy a copy for herself.

i have yet to read the book though. it's there piled up with the many books i have bought over the last months, still waiting to be picked up and to be read from cover to cover. my younger sister and i are alike in that way. we buy books and leave some of them to gather dust until we have the luxury of time to indulge in them.

oh, and my younger sister also bought me a hobo bag. not the expensive, designer kind that i would have wanted but a hobo bag nonetheless. she was doing her omiyage shopping at canal street when we spotted this hobo bag in one of the stores. we both liked it but she couldn't decide whether to buy the bag for me or for herself. finally, on her last night here in NY, she thought the bag is too 'hobo-ish' for her taste so she left it with me. now it's all mine.

some years ago, i wrote down 30 things i wanted to do before i turn thirty. i don't have the list with me anymore, it's buried somewhere in the secret corners of my old room in valenzuela. i remember quite a few things i had in it though.

one, visit at least five states in the US. check. i have been to hawaii, new york, georgia, illinois, florida, virginia, pennsylvania, new jersey, washington and a lot more if you count the stop-overs on road trips we had. add more in less than two weeks when raj and i move to the west coast (details on a separate entry).

two, climb a mountain. done. yep, me the master complainer of walking, running or any other outdoor activity that involves the use of legs, endured the summer heat, the thirst, the aching muscles and hiked up the stonemountain in atlanta.

three, learn a new language. benkyou shita yo. japanese.

four, publish an article with my byline. nope. the moody pseudo-writer that i am, i dunno if i can ever do that in this lifetime. i hope so.

five, learn how to play an instrument. X.

six, have my own library. getting there. raj and i have about a dozen hardbound books to start our collection.

seven, go to europe. hopefully, early next year. florence for our honeymoon.

since these are all i could remember writing, i suppose i would have to make a new list again.

i was browsing books at barnes and noble today when this paperback caught my attention: i, lucifer. the story is about lucifer getting a chance for redemption while the readers are told many of his evil ways and how they manifest in present-day society.

i read the first few pages of the book at barnes and noble. for some odd reasons, i can hear the voice of professor snape (alan rickman to muggles) narrating the tale (probably because of his devilish attitude in HP canon and that he was casted as metatron in the film dogma). anyway, the first sentence alone of i, lucifer was enough to make me want to buy the book.

I, Lucifer, Fallen Angel, Prince of Darkness, Bringer of Light, Ruler of Hell, Lord of   the Flies, Father of Lies, Apostate Supreme, Tempter of Mankind, Old Serpent, Prince of This World, Seducer, Accuser, Tormentor, Blasphemer, and without doubt Best Fuck in the Seen and Unseen Universe (ask Eve, that minx) have decided - oo-la-la! - to tell all.

i didn't purchase the book though. one, i didn't have enough cash with me. second, raj said it's scary to read the book (well, yeah especially in the dark). and third, i was quite apprehensive that in the end it will turn out to be pro-God and a dogmatic piece of work. not that i have a problem with reading about God and His teachings. i just don't want fictions becoming too preachy for my own taste.

i had this experience of reading an oprah recommended book entitled icy sparks. it's about an orphan girl afflicted with tourette's syndrome. it starts out fine with the right mixture of humor and drama but the ending is too much for me to take.  icy sparks, the main character, ends up joining a charismatic church which is vividly described by the author. and somehow, i couldn't lose the image of icy sparks at luneta with bro. mike velarde, singing and shouting praises to God. i suppose icy sparks is the book with the most disappointing end in my list (that, and little women which i really never got to finish because i couldn't bear reading it anymore as soon as i found out that jo and laurie won't end up together).

going back to i, lucifer, i'd buy it still the next chance i have. if i get scared, i'd just set it on fire and pray hard. if the ending goes too shitty, then i'll just have it place along icy sparks and little women. but if i think it's good, i'll write about it and make sure to recommend it to anyone who reads my blog.